This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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