Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
