i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
