I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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