Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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