pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
