We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize