Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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