I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
