i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize