I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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