I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
