bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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