so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
