You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm too high and old for this...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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