Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize