K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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