now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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