Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
