if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Terrible idea I love it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
