she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
