why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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