The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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