this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Randomize
