Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
