3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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