I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
please come you make the beer taste better
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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