I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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