soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just gift wrapped bread.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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