last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm like, not good at living.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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