Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
