this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
