sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
