i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
