I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize