make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
where are my eyebrows?
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