so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love you.
Bad choice
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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