I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
