Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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