We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
