READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
