Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
