Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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