there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
