New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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