dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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