i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
