what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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