If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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