smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
