If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
