this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
