god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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