my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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