I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
