Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize