So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
