My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
