i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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