I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize