you would pick up someone in the library
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
