PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
