just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
