batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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