so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
