when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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