i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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