definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize