Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
