i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
last night I used snow as a chaser
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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