also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
