So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
