I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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