dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
