Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
