She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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