You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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