also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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