oh god the rape fog is back!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
