Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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