Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
