I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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