I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
