i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
