it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
