I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
