He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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