Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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