The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
