im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
