chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
