I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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