Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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